It’s always surprising to me when someone comments on how I appear. Not how I look, but how I appear to be. Usually, I’m incredibly transparent. People can always tell when something is bothering me or when my mind is somewhere else. I tend to wear my emotions right smack in the middle of my face and have a hard time hiding what I’m thinking.
Every now and then though, someone will make a weird comment. It happens a lot with Vivian.
“You’re so calm with her. Is she your first? You seem so relaxed?”
Really?! Because inside I feel like a complete and utter failure with food in her hair and suitcases under her eyes. How could I possibly be calm? Am I putting on some sort of brave face instead of the look of sheer misery that I feel like I’m showing?
Or are they seeing a different level? Am I somehow breaking through the exhausted exterior to show that at my core I know what I’m doing? Or are they just getting things complete wrong?
I’d like to think they know something I don’t.